I know the few fans that continue to watch this season have to undoubtedly feel a bit dejected after the Hoyas got their asses kicked by Syracuse, but I’ve embarked on a 14-month-long anthropological survey to determine the different types of fans that follow our beloved Hoyas. Below, I present the results of my survey, with a name and description of each type of fan.
The Eternal Optimist
Claims “Georgetown is back!” after the Hoyas beat DePaul. To them, every single recruit is a fantastic addition and an undiscovered gem. Complete and total confidence in Patrick Ewing and the coaching staff to the point where they hold the coaching staff in an almost-hagiographic reverence.
Constantly calculating the ways the Hoyas will make the NCAA tournament, and has written the phrase “so all the Hoyas need to do to make the big dance is win the next nine games in a row” more than once. Wants everyone to just move on from the damn transfers.
The “Fire Pat” Twitter Reply Guy
Enjoys replying to all Hoyas-related tweets and Instagram posts with “FIRE PAT!!!!!” Believes nuanced debate is for nerds. Thinks KenPom is a type of brussel sprout. Insists that Mac McClung was going to be the savior of the program, if only Ewing had given him a chance. Has the exact energy of a boomer commenting on Facebook about politics.
The New Student
They don’t quite know all the players on the team, but they’ve been hearing that this is going to be the year the team gets good again*. Pregames in a New South room with 25 other people they sort of know (“Are you in my IR discussion section?”). Doesn’t yet know to stay out of the hallway connecting the bathrooms of the McDonald’s and Chipotle nearby Capital One Arena. Their fake ID from Utah gets accepted by the CapOne beer vendors without a second glance. Excited to rock the Allen Iverson jersey they bought from some sketch Chinese website.
* Applicable to every single freshman class since like 2014
The Upperclassman
At this point, we can just call them depressed. Just wants to see one team make the NCAA Tournament while they’re on campus. Enjoys partaking in a Bud Light Lime tallboy. Often asks themselves why they picked this godforsaken, rat-infested school with a shitty basketball team. The only thing that gave them happiness was Jack the Bulldog skateboarding, and now that’s been taken away too.
The Lifer
Their parents were Hoyas and met at a Henle keg party. And yes, they’ll tell you Henle was just as grimy back then. Grandparents were probably Hoyas too. They were raised to root for Georgetown, and their college choice was never a question. Probably from New Jersey, and if not, then almost certainly from Pennsylvania or New York. First words were “Fire Esherick”. Remembers every single player who ever played for the Hoyas (including Nikita Mescheriakov) because their parents forced them to rote memorization of every single player on the rosters. Cursed to root for the Hoyas by birth, as it’s in their blood.
The Young Alum
Many of them hit the sweet spot of the JTIII golden years, which ranged roughly from the Hibbert and Green era to the Porter era. A surprising amount of them (at least the ones that are active on Twitter) are lawyers. They seem to have the most realistic take on the program and yearn for a return to the glory days. Still flinch if they hear the words “Princeton Offense”.
The more recent graduates from the past four years have had a slight taste of the big time, but not equal to the glory that the people who are now 30 to 40 saw during their college years.
The Old-Timer
They’ve been around the block. They’ll tell you basketball was at its best when there was no three-point line. Truly knows every detail of the program inside out, and knows their basketball. Uncanny ability to recall the names and stats of any player, even the walk-ons from 1978. They were probably in the room when the Big East Conference was formed. Hatred for Syracuse runs deep and has quite possibly come to blows with a Syracuse fan in the past. Has said something like, “Well AI was pretty good, but Sleepy Floyd could play!”
The Player-Specific Bandwagoners
Usually from the hometown of a particular player. Often likes to comment on social media “Why isn’t _____ playing more?????”
If they’re related to the player in some way, up the crazy factor by 100.
Notable examples include the Mac McClung Gate City posse, and the James Akinjo Oakland fanbase. Funnily enough, these two entourages often got into it with one another in some weird proxy urban-rural divide battle.
The Pearl Clutcher
Everything is an affront to them. Cares obsessively about student attendance at games. Hangs on to TV ratings reports like they’re life or death. To them, teal jerseys are equivalent to a war crime. Whines constantly about the program not having any social media content or fan access. Believes the best way to drum up student engagement with the program is to have the players deliver pizzas to students. Most likely has never enjoyed watching a Georgetown game.
The Chaotic Good
Comments obsessively on the posts of recruits. Yells from the stands and tries to coach the players on the court. Kente enthusiast. Pins all their hopes onto recruits. Gets really obsessed with some role player on the team (the Greg Malinowskis and Jahvon Blairs) and starts their own mini-fandom of that player.
These are the results of the 14-month study of the Georgetown fanbase. There are some cross-cutting cleavages across these different archetypes, and one person can fit into different categories. If you get mad at me for this whole thing and think I’m writing about you, no I’m not, and this is all a joke. And for the record, the author is a blend of The Eternal Optimist and The Upperclassman.
I am an Old Timer. I had major surgery 13 days ago and I think I ruptured my incision stitches laughing. If I survive, thanks for the laughs! Sleepy Floyd could play! (ouch)