The Team 35-50 (-7.68u)

1. Armen 13-14 (+2.03u)
2. Bobby 17-18 (+1.94u)
3. Jake 10-13 (-1.62u)
4. John 5-15 (-10.03u) 👑

The Hoyas will be traveling to a suburban university that is not in fact located within the Philadelphia city limits. Your junkyard dawgs hope to win their second of three consecutive ranked matchups, this time on FOX the afternoon before the Super Bowl. Get ready, the Hoya Hype train may have just left the station.  #ChuChu

THE BOARD

Georgetown +14.5

Villanova -14.5

Over/Under 141.5

Georgetown +750

VillaNoFun -1250

Georgetown Team Total O/U 64.5

Villanova Team Total O/U 78.5

BEST BETS 

Bobby

Georgetown +14.5 2u

    Ok, I get that people will say that Villanova will be coming out with a vengeance. Sure, they may come out with a high energy effort and even start the game on an early run. This is a rivalry game and both teams want this game badly. But the notion that Villanova is expected to win this game by over 14 points is pretty egregious. If you have been watching Georgetown basketball over the last two games, things have finally started clicking. I don’t know whether it was the players-only meeting or if Ewing really is just cooking up some tasty Gumbo, but this team is playing far above their record. Let’s also not forget that Georgetown was up by 13 on this same Villanova team at halftime (when we were playing a much poorer brand of basketball) a couple of months ago. Georgetown certainly shouldn’t be favored in this game, but the good guys will have the ability to keep this within a dozen. If anything, Villanova’s loss against St. John’s could have them playing nervous or out of rhythm. Ignore the still real potential for a Villanova “statement” and understand that the Hoyas should have a better chance of covering +14.5 than not.  

Jake

Georgetown +14.5 5u

Georgetown ML .5u

Over 141.5 .5u

Let’s do a quick recap: my picks were 1-2 for the Creighton game, but I still netted positive units on the night. Am I a sharp? I’ll let the people decide. Like I said, Ewing’s boys aren’t afraid of a road game. Omaha, Philly (jk the affluent Philadelphia suburbs), it don’t matter. There’s one factor that the Kenpoms and Haslametrics of the world cannot account for in their complex statistical analyses: confidence. Even Vegas failed to account for the confidence factor. These boys are playing with new energy and I cannot get enough. 

Let me impart a valuable lesson from my sophomore year geometry class:the transitive property  (Shoutout Mr. Morrissey if he were ever to see this). Georgetown defeated St. John’s by 3 points in December (ignore the 11-point loss a week later). Last Wednesday, St. John’s defeated Villanova by 11 points. By the transitive property, we should beat Villanova by 14 points today. Maybe Vegas just mixed up their positive and negative signs. One word to describe Villanova? Fraudulent. Ok, maybe that’s an overreaction, but you get the point. Don’t forget we dominated them in the first half of our last meeting. I think I have figured out the key to Georgetown’s success against good teams. A combination of us raining threes while our opponents can’t through a stone in the ocean is all it takes! With Chudier playing like a prime Draymond Green, the sky’s the limit. No better appetizer to the Super Bowl than a Georgetown Basketball game. Sunday funday. Georgetown basketball is staying hot today, don’t overthink it. 

Looking for another reason to bet against Villanova? Over the past two weeks, the common man has been at war with Wall Street. Jon Rothstein describes Villanova Basketball as a “Fortune 500 Company.” All Robinhoodtraders know what to do here. Fade Wall Street. 

Georgetown=DogeCoin= to the moon 

Armen 

Georgetown +14.5 1u

Georgetown +750 .5u

“Great moments are born from great opportunity, and that’s what you have here today, ladies and gentlemen, that is what we have today. One game; if we bet ten times, your bookie might win nine. But not this game, not today. Today we stay with him, and we shut him down because we can. Today, we are the greatest bettors in the world. Today we have the lock of the century.”

-Armen Brooks

If you get my reference, you deserve a gold medal, but that’s not important. What is important is the fact that we are making your bookie cry today. Yes, cry. Not be sad or disappointed, but literally make him bawl his eyes out to the point of complete dehydration and utter dehumanization. My goal is to make your bookie quit his job and turn to betting to pay off his debts to you. Imagine how that is going to feel. 

Now when I utter the phrase “lock of the century”, I’m not talking about the Bucs at +150, interestingly enough. Instead, I’m talking about your Georgetown Hoyas in their bout against the third-ranked Villanova Wildcats. I know +750 is a huge number to wrap your head around, but when you manifest something enough, similar to what I’ve been doing for the past few days, numbers simply become a construct created by those demons in Vegas to mess with your head. I may now be a math guy, but why would I even look at the numbers when you know who is going to win? Who needs the mumbo-jumbo transitive property or some fancy-schmancy model when the outcome is so clear. In the end, believe it or not, it comes down to betting on the better basketball team and yet again the decision is pretty obvious. I mean does VillaNoFun have three players over 7’0 tall? No. Does VillaNoFun have a player currently referred to as the Chu-Chu Train? Nah. Is VillaNoFun in a major metropolitan city? Definitely not. So if you ask me, like in poker, we’ve got the best hand and now we’re betting for value. 

Now you might be asking “O Great One, why would you only bet half a unit on such a lock?” And to that I simply say: I don’t know. It could possibly be that I would feel bad about running away from my fellow bettors on this column. Maybe I’m impulsively weary of half riding a bet with the self proclaimed “worst bettor this planet has ever seen” (I’ll let you guess who **cough cough** 10.03 units **cough cough**). Or the fact that I am a sleep deprived student writing this at an ungodly hour while watching the Johnsonville 2020 American Cornhole League World Championships on ESPNews. Either way, I lied before; I am neither a man of math or logic, but simply a man of money, and I’ll prove it after today’s game. Until then, my back hurts from carrying John, so maybe he should go to today’s game, take his shirt off, and dance on the court like his dad in the 80’s to work off some of the baggage left over from his bets.

P.S. If anybody would like to tell my professors to lay off the work this week so I can get some sleep and not write columns like this, that would be greatly appreciated. 

John

Georgetown +14.5 11u 

Georgetown Team Total O 64.5 1u

Ok, maybe I’m not back. But yes, you read that right. Rub your eyes all you want, that unit number ain’t going anywhere. If Villanova completely destroys us, so be it. I’m already down 10 units this year, and the season is gradually nearing the end. I’m also extremely angry that Vegas took a page out of Robinhood’s book after a reporter posted the time length of the rehearsal national anthem and I couldn’t bet on over 2 minutes. With Georgetown coming out of the COVID hiatus playing lightyears better than when they left, I love the Hoyas to maybe lose by like 10 instead of say 15 points. 

I know Armen loved using my quote of prescribing myself as the worst bettor this planet has ever seen, but I’m not going to comment on that. Today, I’m gonna sit back, relax, and (probably not, because I suck at this) hopefully make my bookie cry. I recently talked about bringing Georgetown back, but in the near future, my goal is to bring this column back single-handedly by throwing everything I have on the spread. Hoya damn Saxa.  

*** All bets are completely theoretical and based on delusion.  This column is for entertainment purposes only.